Google Chrome: Fast, But Retarded

mellomutt — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 08:17:58 +0000

Here’s a list of some basic elements that I require that Chrome ignores/craps on.

First,

Let me just say that I had to open Firefox to even post this story. Chrome wouldn’t process the rich text plugin I’m using (FCKEditor) and it ignored other basic elements in terms of display for this CMS. IE, Firefox…works fine. Whatever. I know I need to update this CMS [author's note: I've since switch to another CMS since writing this], but to just ignore basic/standard/popular JS and CSS? Not cool. I could be convinced that this is actually smart and cool, but you’d have to be naked and female.

2) New Tabs WTF

I had to install an extension to have Chrome just open a blank page in a new tab. By default, Chrome goes all Hitler on new tabs. It displays a thumbnailed list of pages you’ve recently looked at.

I suppose they assume that a) you’re the only person using your computer, or b) you don’t care if people know you’ve been looking at vintage lesbian incest bondage porn.

Well, I do care. So I went to Chrome Options, and, yep, you can’t change new tab behaviour. You have zero choice in the matter. Firefox gives you a choice. However, there is a Chrome extension that allows you to simply display a blank page in a new tab. Installed it. Worked great. But it’s the principle of the thing. Why did I have to bother? Showing your page history thumbnails in a new tab by default should be an “opt-in” sort of process. Like, I don’t know, a little window that pops up and says, “Do you want the world to know about your deviant interests? Check the box below.” Sometimes I want to show people some stuff online. I don’t want any new tab I open to taint the carefully constructed facade I put up between me and the world.

If Chrome were a car, bumper stickers would be applied by the manufacturer.

3) Friggin’ status bar.

There isn’t one in Chrome. Hover over a link, and a little bubble appears in the bottom left corner of the browser with the URL. But not necessarily the full URL. Nope. The bubble only extends through a 3rd of the browser space. So the end of most URLs get cut off, and to me, it’s the most important part. It’s like, why bother showing any of the URL? If you just want to make sure people are certain of the domain, then why not just show the domain? Someone had to code it so it shows the ellipses at the end when it gets cut off. Someone had to put in “statusbubble.width=33%”. You couldn’t make that adjustable? You couldn’t make that an option? You had to be Hitlers about it? You had to be dicks?

There are no extensions that fix this. Chrome is stuck with this retarded behaviour.
Maybe they just decided to be all maverick and question the whole existence of status bars. It’s been nearly two years since this issue was brought to the attention of Chrome developers. They refuse to fix it. And believe me, it’s an issue. Two years of comments attest to that. They do say they will get to it, but have to work through other issues first. Oh, right, excuse us. Probably more important things than basic usability.

If Chrome were a car, it’d go really fast, but you wouldn’t know where you’re going.

4) No simple on/off for Javascript/Java.

Firefox has some great extensions for toggling JS and Java on the fly. None for Chrome. You can turn JS on and off in Chrome, but it’s several clicks and a few windows deep. I’ve got some really handy buttons that do the same thing in Firefox. Where are those buttons located? You guessed it. In my frakkin’ status bar. Chrome, Chrome, Chrome. You mean well. But ffs, how about making a browser?

If Chrome were a car, you could drive at night, but you couldn’t dim your lights for oncoming traffic.

In conclusion,

As hard as it is for me to say (since I really enjoy google search, gmail and google docs), screw Google Chrome. At least for the time being. Fix your shit, and we’ll try again.